When I read this weeks assignment I thought of my son. My four year old son has beautiful long blond curls. Curls that I could never imagine cutting, not until he comes to me and says "Mama, I want to get my hair cut!" "Young children often impose narrow or stereotypical definitions of how females and males are supposed to look or dress" (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 92). The funny thing is, I have never heard a child call my son a girl or refer to him as a her or she. However, there has been multiple times that an adult has referred to my son as a girl or used she or her when they are speaking about him. Even as adults, people assume if a child has long hair they must be a girl. Despite his long blond hair, my son dresses like a boy and looks like a boy. It often amazes me that people don't really take the time to look at him, they see his long blond curls and automatically assume he is a girl. This past school year we were visiting a preschool and the teacher asked me "What is her name?" So I respond, "His name is Gibson!" and she immediately felt bad and apologized for the mistake. My son is never bothered by others mistake of his gender identity, but it is very frustrating for my husband and I. Should we have to cut his hair in order to conform to society, to make it easier for others to see that he is not a girl but a boy?
References:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).
Hi Alicia:
ReplyDeleteThat is a good question. Personally, I would have looked at his clothes and colors first before I would have assumed he was a girl. There are some indications present that let one know if a child is a boy or a girl. I just believe that some people fail to look for them. And that's probably why that teacher felt embarrassed after you said he was a boy because all she had to do was look. Now if you would have had him in girl colors or something like that, then ok, I can see where the confusion comes in with that. But to me, it is usually obvious whether a child is a boy or a girl.
Hi, Alicia,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. I struggled with this as well with my son when he was a little younger. He had beautiful, longer brown hair and people would also refer to him as a girl. He was only one at the time so it didn't bother him, but it always bothered his father. We eventually cut his hair, but I have to admit and say that I still wish that it was longer. Thanks for sharing!
Andrea
ps. do not cut his hair :)
That is very unfortunate. It shows me that perhaps the teacher was just not paying attention or being very observant to whom was in her class. She just glimpsed at him, saw his hair, and stereotyped him as a girl. I agree with Andrea - do not cut his hair!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to tell children's gender outside of hair! What if a girl with long hair wears basketball shorts and a Lebron jersey to school? What if a girl with very short hair or no hair (I can think of perfectly good reasons) comes to school wearing sweats pants and a t-shirt. What if a boy with beautiful medium length hair comes to school with ear rings?
ReplyDeleteA preschooler once told me (I sported a ponytail at the time) "Mr Greg, you're a boy and you're a girl. You're a boy, but you have long hair."
I've accidentally complemented a new friend on her daughters' beautiful hair (only to find that they are her sons).
The preschoolers in one classroom insisted that Jacob was a girl because he had long hair.
Keep your son's hair long as long as he likes. Expect a few awkward moments. Let them be teachable moments for your son! But it wouldn't hurt to get him outfitted in a football jersey (think Troy Polamalu)